The Plan

I'm not feeling so great. DH & I talked for a long time about our options, and although he said he was excited about our next steps, I'm filled with dread & worry. I'm really shocked at the price of the injectable meds. I had heard they were expensive, but I thought that meant $300.00 or so, not $3,000.00. I'm not sure if that figure is correct, because all I know is that on the sheet I was given of what a typical IUI w/injectables costs, it said $3,200.00 each time. I'm assuming that includes the medication, but on another sheet it said that the medicine alone would cost $3,500.00 each cycle. So, I've got to get that sorted out.

Assuming that the procedure + meds will be in the $3,200.00 range, we can afford for me to do an IUI 3-4 times. This will mean that some of our money that's earmarked for our Roth IRA retirement fund will be siphoned into the TTC fund (there's not really a TTC fund, but there might as well be). If those attempts are not successful, then we are done. We can't afford to try any more. After a year we can start the adoption process. This is all breaking my heart. It's so much pressure, and i just want to be a parent, but I'm just feeling this pull to try the IUI & just see if it would work. Adoption is so close to my heart, yet I'm just not ready to give up on being able to be pregnant.

I just don't know that I can wait a full year to adopt. My poor husband, he thought he was being so great when he went & worked all the numbers and came up with a plan, but all it resulted in me was bawling. I mean, if we did 3 IUIs in a row, had zero success, we could still possibly be parents in 2009 if we adopted. But, he just doesn't see it happening. I have to find some other ways to go about this, because I don't think he gets that I CAN NOT wait any longer. We have been trying for 2 and a half years. There is no more time left.

My first RE appointment

Yesterday was one of my super busy crazy days. I'm writing that as if it's a common occurrence. It's not. In fact, normally my life is pretty darn boring. Not yesterday, though.

Here's what my day looked like yesterday:

7am: Took progesterone blood test
7:30am-8:45am: Drove to work
1:00pm: Left work
1:00-2:00pm:Drove home
2:00pm-3:00 pm: Got all dolled-up
3:00pm-4:20pm:Drove to RE appointment (got lost, even though the office is on the same street my dad lives on)
4:20pm-5:30 pm:RE appointment
5:30-11:00 pm: Norwegian Tourism board event at the Claremont Hotel, and a dinner cruise on the bay

Phew! I spent the night at the Claremont, and was so sad my DH wasn't there to enjoy it with me.
This morning I'm back at home, and will go into work in just a little bit. In the meantime, let me tell you about my re appointment , and if I have time, also about hobnobbing with the Norwegian Consulate General....

The appointment: Well, I was late, very late. I can't believe I didn't understand the directions. I was so flustered when I finally got there, but the receptionist was kind, and made me feel much more relaxed.

I went on to see the Dr & sat in her office & just chatted. She was really fantastic, has heard it all before, and is just really proactive. We talked about family history, my DH, my past treatments. Immediately she said I'm done with Clomid. It didn't work, so move on. However, she was pleased to see I've been ovulating for the past 6 months or so. I didn't think my #s were ever very good, but she said there was definitely ovulation. So, that felt good. I admitted that I had stopped taking all my other medicines, and she encouraged me to go back on them, and add in a half hour of exercise a day. I know my DH will support that, so hopefully I can incorporate that soon into my lifestyle.

We then went into the exam room and she did an ultrasound and counted many, many cysts on my ovaries. So, yep, I definitely have PCOS. She'd like me to get a HSG, and then start on injectables and then it's my choice to do an IUI or IVF (I'm so sorry for all the jargon,and I just don't have time today to explain it all, but I'll post a little primer on all the lingo sometime soon).

So, then we were done, and I guess her nurse will call me sometime today to get some of this scheduled. I haven't even talked to DH, yet, so I don't know what his thoughts will be. It sounds like if I do an IUI it will be $3,000.00 each month (there's only a 25% chance of success), and if I do IVF, the cost more than doubles, but so do my chances. I'm just not sure about any of this.

I haven't had a chance to really digest any of it. Hopefully tonight DH & I will get some good conversations in.

Oops, got to run, my carpool is just about here.

Thanks for reading!

Fertility clinic seminar

Last night I went to a "Meet the Doctors" seminar at a fertility clinic (or is it infertility clinic? what's the right title???). I ended up going alone because it was the 3rd attempt I had made to get into the seminar, and each time something came up. This time it was my dh's back to school night. So, I showed up, alone, and feeling really stupid, as there was only one other couple there. So the three of us sat and heard about trans-vaginal ultrasounds, and lots of sperm talk, and saw photos of fallopian tubes and all sorts of other lovely stuff that doesn't seem so mortifying when you are with an anonymous large group, but a little too intimate when it's just you & 2 strangers. The doctor seemed very animated (um, too animated for my taste), but I felt good when he asked if I thought they could see an egg on an ultrasound and I answered, "Um, I don't think so... they are very small." I was right!

This clinic as a whole has gotten rave reviews form others on the Nest boards, and their rates are much more reasonable than Kaiser's fertility clinic, at least for basic services & IUIs. In fact, I started crying at work when Kaiser called me to tell me the price ($560.00 for the initial consultation/exam!) This clinic is about half that, plus they give a 1/2 off coupon for your initial visit/exam just for going to one of the seminars. I seriously don't know what will come of this. I know that we just can't afford IVF. It's just not a possibility. I think the rate was $17,000.00. And there, of course, are no guarantees. I always feel like I need to qualify the statement "we can't afford that" because I mean, we have the money, but we'd really rather use it towards actually raising our child, or at least towards something that doesn't seem quite so statistically risky. Now, I'm not slamming the door on IVF, it's still open, but I'd need to really hear that we are prime, super candidates for the procedure, which I don't think we will. But, I'm going to make a call (hopefully an e-mail, since I hate talking on the phone), and set up my first appointment soon.

My only other hesitation is timing of all of this. I work so far from the clinic, I just don't know if there is a way to schedule all this stuff without having to let my work know. As I've mentioned in the past, my boss is freakily interested in my procreation plans, & I've tried to keep her in the dark as much as possible. I don't mind taking a day off here & there, but the logistics of it all seem very overwhelming. Well, I guess my first step is to make that appointment. Wish me luck!