Thursday, June 12, 2008

My boss is crazy & I'm cracking up

Today I had just one of my many weird conversations with my boss. I turned in something that was filled with mistakes & oddities... way worse than anything else I've ever done, but fixable & actually comical. I just let my boss know I was trying to keep her on her toes. As we had a good laugh about my mistakes she turned & said... I just thought it was because maybe you're pregnant & the hormones are making you make mistakes. I rolled my eyes, tried not to look crushed & said, Nope, not pregnant, just overworked.

So when she left I started talking to my coworker about the bosses comment. She informed me that my boss is crazy obsessed with me being/becoming pregnant & asks my coworker about it all the time.

Every time I have a doctors appointment, my coworker is quizzed.
If I am late to work, my coworker is quizzed.
If I leave early, my coworker is quizzed. And so on...

She asks my coworker if she thinks I'll quit when I become pregnant & if I know I'm not supposed to handle cat litter (because of my pregnancy).

Now she's decided I have fertility issues (yes, I know that I do, but dear Lord, I do not discuss this with people I know, only with strangers on the internets, & she does not know this). So, she wants to know from my coworker if me taking thyroid pills is affecting my fertility (in an ill-thought out moment of candor I told her I was on them, but only because she was telling me she was taking them, too). I am, according to my boss, obsessed with my baby nephew because I long for a little one to hold in my arms. My trip to Santa Barbara must have been a trip to try a new place to try to make babies, you know switch things up a bit... yes, she discussed this again with my coworker. So, as coworker was telling me all this I just started laughing, & by the end we were both almost in tears. I kind of like this game...because she at least has enough sense not to ask me directly (usually), so it's fun to see her try to guess. According to her calculations, I have been pregnant for three years.

There have been a few times where she has brought up babies/pregnancy to me. All have been very comical to me.

-My co-worker & I were talking about which stores her expecting daughter-in-law was registered at & comparing notes since my cousin was due the same week. Boss came in the room int he middle of the conversation & told us to stop talking about babies. Meanly. With strange emotion. Ohhh Kayyy.

-I came into work one day & in the spot where my old computer had been was just a dusty space. I was surprised to see my computer missing & when I said, Wow, it's gone! She said, "Wow - look at all that space... you could put a baby there!" I just laughed & thought, I'm not putting a baby in a dirty corner of my desk...

-There was a newsmagazine recently that had a picture of a pregnant woman's bare belly. My boss picked it up & exclaimed -"That's obscene!" & threw the magazine in the trash.

Boy, I wonder how she'll take it when I really am.

Sunday, June 8, 2008

A new blog for handmade stuff

I just wanted to add that I created a new blog to highlight some of my Nestie friends' amazing handmade items. Check it out! I won't update it too much, it's really just there as a reference for me to keep track of all the great Etsty sites I visit!

Nor Cal Handmade Directory

Now the fun stuff!

So, besides mourning a beloved pet and freaking out about blood tests and the future, I have managed to get quite a bit of fun in to my days, too! (By the way, in my post a month ago I mentioned I was worried about my Beta fish, Ocean... update: although he looked so dead at one point that my dh called out he was going to go throw him away, he snapped out of it & is still swimming along. He's not at 100 %, but he's eating & swimming when he sees me, so that's a bright spot!)

A few weeks ago our favorite band of all time, The Cure, played in San Jose. Actually, rewind about 8 months... 8 months ago, the Cure were supposed to start their US tour, but they were only stopping in the Bay Area to do the Download Festival. Festival shows are great, but you never know if you're going to get a full concert, or something more abbreviated. The next stop was to be Santa Barbara, so we decided to buy tickets to the Download Festival & the Santa Barbara show and make it a long weekend for ourselves. Well, they then rescheduled their tour in order to work on their new album. In the meantime, they added another show in San Jose, so we bought tickets to that, too. So in October we went to the Download Festival, and then a few weeks ago we went to the San Jose show & then drove the next day to Santa Barbara.

Both shows were fantastic, and have renewed my love for the band once again. I've been obsessing about the lead singer as though I were back in high school. So much so that I've "decided" (in quotes because it's not a real decision, yet), that if we have a daughter, her middle name will have a Cure reference in it!

Oddly enough, my husband is a much bigger fan than I am... if you look at us we don't look like "typical" fans, but start talking to us & you'll see the love is there. Funny thing, too, when I was just meeting my husband he asked me what kind of music I liked. I sort of hate answering that question because the answer reveals so much about you so quickly. Anyway, I said I mainly listened to the radio since most of my Cd's had been stolen (a hazard of living in Oakland), but I liked the Cure a lot. He told me, "well, if you need any Cure Cd's, I pretty much have them all." And he did! Including bootlegs & rarieties... a match made in heaven!

So, we went to Santa Barbara & stayed at a hotel across the street from the beach. We got a fantastic deal that included an ala carte breakfast daily & also a $50.00 gas card, plus a reduction on the room rate, and a slight upgrade. Very, very nice. Plus we got to see our favorite band in a fairly intimate setting, the Santa Barbara Bowl. The day after the concert we wandered around Santa Barbara & just enjoyed each others company. It was so wonderful!

Our next getaway is up to Mendocino toward the latter part of this month. We're going to a place that has llamas on property, and offers llama treks. I'm very excited, and so happy my husband is indulging my not-so-secret obsession with barn animals (sheep, goats, llamas, etc.)! What a guy!

I have one more post to make & then this marathon blogging session is over!

On to the fertility updates.

Well, round 2 of Clomid did not do the trick. My progesterone level was the same as it was before taking Clomid, and that was even with taking progesterone supplements. The progesterone test is to see if I actually ovulated or not. It's a little tricky, because you are supposed to take the test 7 days after you've ovulated. But the test is to tell you if you've ovulated. So, it's all a guessing game, because if I knew I was ovulating I wouldn't need to take the test.

Before my doctor prescribed Clomid I had my progesterone bloodwork done, and as I mentioned, it was the same as when I had taken two months of Clomid. Before Clomid, my doctor said it looked like I wasn't ovulating, so here's the drug. Last month when I got the same result back, he said it was on the low side of normal!!! So, I'm still at a loss. It looks like I am ovulating, maybe just not very strongly. I don't have my exact #s in front of me, but I believe my pre-Clomid and 2nd round of Clomid levels were about 5.5. Round one Clomid was higher, 6. something. A medicated cycle should measure at least 15, I believe, so it was well-below what I would consider normal.

Anyway, end result - BFN.

I have taken my 3rd round of Clomid this month & we'll have to see what happens. But I do have a bad confession to make - I haven't been taking any of my other medications this whole month. Not the herbs my acupuncturist prescribed (or the smoothie), not my thyroid pills, not my metformin (a drug usually for diabetics, but also helps ovulation in PCOS patients), not prenatal vitamins - nothing. I've just been very depressed by the whole thing & my response has been inaction - as usual.

So, after I finish blogging tonight I will start my medicines up again, ok? I promise!

Since this month is my last on Clomid, I'm really feeling panicked. I don't know what I'm going to do next. I don't have infertility insurance, and so I've only been seeing my ob/gyn for my issues, & I think I've finally reached the point that he can not help me any longer.

I've been looking into two possible options, both are fairly appealing to me, but scary. The first one is an IUI, which some of my friends have had success with. However, I'm not my friends, & reading a little about it makes me think that I may not be a great candidate. The expense is hefty, but do-able, but it's only worth it if I actually could benefit from it. I'd have to see an RE to get some opinions on that one. I know that IVF is also an option, and may be more viable for us, but the expense is really prohibitive (or so I've gathered. I haven't done too much research because I'm more excited about our next option...)

The second option that we're considering is adoption. This one warms my heart, and I love the concept, but the process is scary & expensive. The process is long, and my husband doesn't want to talk about the details until we're ready to jump in. It's sort of revisits conversations we had about wedding planning. I knew how much lead time we needed on everything, & he didn't believe me... until we started finding vendors totally booked more than a year in advance... So, I'm trying to educate him about home-studies, and profiles, etc, etc, & he just wants to wait until that is our definite next step. Luckily we're on the same page about loving a child no matter how they come into our lives... just not on the same page about the timeline...

So there you, go, that's my fertility update... more to come...

Long time, no blog

Ha ha, I know that's not an original title, but what can I say.. at least it's something, right? I want to make sure to get a few posts in before one of my readers goes into active labor... OK, Janessa, this one is for you!

I have had a pretty rough month, on top of some technical difficulties, and it's made blogging hard. The most devastating thing was having to say goodbye to my beloved 16 year old cat, Maraya. I'm not interested in writing about it right now, but I have updated her Catster page. Check it out, if you're interested:

One thing I'll add though, is this amazingly sweet e-mail that my friend sent to me:
I am truly sorry to hear about Maraya. I know how hard that must have been
for you. She was a wonderful cat, and I really loved her, she had a stronger
personality than most people I know, and things just won't be the same without
her vibrance. I can honestly say she will never be forgotten by those who loved
her, and that she made a lasting impression on all those she got to know. It's
hard not to tear up at the thought of a visit to the Bay Area without some time
in her company. A cat like Maraya can never be replaced. May she rest in

Also, a friend of mine who specializes in monograms & invitations created a really special memorial card for me to print out & send to Maraya's vets and some of my family members. Check it out on her blog here:
Thanks again, Donna!

I have a lot to post about, but I'm going to break it up into a few different posts as to not overwhelm myself, or my 4 readers. Thanks for tuning in!