Mixed feelings...

Yesterday I was all set to skip my next cycle and give myself a two month break from any more treatments. I was happy with that decision, relieved.

Then today, about 5 minutes ago, I decided I would go forward with an IUI this month. Hmm, I don't really understand any of my feelings. I'm always feeling so conflicted about EVERYTHING.

For the past week and a half I was beginning to feel a pull to look into international adoption. This has never been a path I thought I'd be interested in, but then my husband's birth country started making it a bit easier for Americans to adopt from there, and I started getting signs all over the place that maybe it was something to consider... I got really excited thinking of bringing a child into our lives that shared my husband's heritage (and, fingers-crossed, our nephew's extremely cute looks!), which is something that would be fairly unlikely with domestic adoption.

Before I called the agency handling the program I looked at their website. I could tell right away that there was something that would disqualify us... the requirement that adoptive parents be Christian... I identify "Christian" as my cultural background, but I don't go to church, and I don't have faith... so I don't think I qualify. I called the agency anyway, and the case worker was like, oh no, you just have to say you're Christian, they just don't want the babies brought up as Muslim... Um, ok... Later I got more information on the program, and a letter from my church minister/pastor would be requred, so I just dropped the whole idea. But it was fun thinking about it...

So, now I'm back to thinking about IUIs & all that other stuff... we'll see where my mind is tomorrow...